Universal Loving Kindness/Integral Wellness Assessment

The universal loving kindness exercise felt like a wonderfully calming liberation from selectivity since it emphasizes universal love. When cultivating this feeling of universal of love, it liberates us from determining whom we can trust, or allow to become close to us. All are deserving of love, even those who might be considered evil. The entirety of creation, when seen as a whole, is like a rainbow, with each individual a color.

In doing the integral assessment, I identified a number of areas I can develop in order to continue to pursue my goal of flourishing, but one in particular stands out.

My main source of difficulty and suffering, causing me a lot of stress, anxiety and unhappiness, is that my career - in corporate sales - is very much at odds with my values. Daily, I feel I have sacrificed my integrity for money, and I have to make decisions based on competition rather than cooperation, and making money rather than giving. It's an odd thing because I never cared about the pursuit of money, but I "somehow" found myself in this career. This in itself warrants examination, because there is no such thing as "happening to find oneself" in a given situation. We must take responsibility for our choices and understand the role they have played.

Thinking deeply about the issue, I can see that, although my values have always been about the pursuit of truth, beauty and goodness - my greatest dream is to write books that bring joy, inspiration, and a feeling of wonder to others - I made my career choices not intentionally, and not based on this positive desire, but rather in reaction to a negative. When I was a small child, my parents divorced after a violent and toxic marriage. My father told my mother if she went through with the divorce he would "see her in the gutter", and his words proved prophetic. We became homeless, were eventually housed in the projects (in England) and lived in extreme poverty growing up.

Although my conscious values were not about the pursuit of money, I can see now that the shame and degradation I felt about being homeless as a child unconsciously made me feel excessively unhappy if I did not have "enough" money. I did not pursue the career I wanted as a writer, therefore, because I was afraid I would not be able to support myself and my son. This was showing a lack of faith that following the right choice would result in the universe opening up possibilities to allow me to take care of my son.

I can now see that, having acknowledged this truth, I must trust that when I follow my heart and passion to pursue a writing career, I will find a way to make it work. I must also understand that I am no longer the powerless child I once was, and making a choice to sacrifice money to do what is right for me will not result in the "calamity" I once experienced.

Making a choice to let go of a career that does not nourish me, and in contrast, makes me feel like a fraud (since the job conflicts with my personal values), to embrace instead the creative career I have always wanted makes me feel a bubbling sense of anticipation, and the excitement of impending liberation. I can see that, if I had the space in my life created by the calmness, happiness, and sense of ease I would experience if my work was in accordance with values, I would have so much more to give to others.

This was really an epiphany for me and I'm so excited and validated to continue my journey towards a more fulfilling career, as I make the transition to the next phase of my life and finish my final term of school. 

Subtle Mind Exercise and the Spiritual-Mental-Physical Wellness Connection

Hi everyone,
This week I really needed this meditation! I got some bad news that's been preoccupying me, so I am trying to see this challenge as an opportunity to see how really embracing these practices can help me overcome my worries (negative mental chatter). I really want to reach a point at which external events cannot disturb my inner calm, but it's a challenge.

Most likely because I was not in the best state of mind, and was agitated and preoccupied, I found it harder to focus and get the full benefit of the Subtle Mind meditation. My focus kept coming back to my problems and my agitated state of mind. When I did come back to focus on the Subtle Mind exercise, I found myself getting overwhelmingly sleepy. It was a kind of relaxation preferable to the agitation, but it wasn’t a complete state of peace, and I wondered if the sleepiness was a kind of avoidance. I have not been able to reassert my calm state of mind, and I am tired and irritable. I need to work on regaining my sense of peace and developing these practices, clearly!

Spiritual wellness is the starting point for mental and physical wellness. The spiritual is the deepest part of the self, and if it is not right, the other parts will not be right either. I used to experience constant back pain and muscle tension years ago, but I was just thinking recently that I haven’t experienced it for years. I think it’s because I used to carry a lot of anxiety because I had no spiritual side, and had neglected this part of myself completely. I can see now that, because my spiritual self was not developed, it affected my emotions, which manifested in physical pain. Fortunately, I can see I’ve come a long way, even if I still occasionally have an off day! :-)

Loving-kindness Meditation

Hi everyone,
Reflecting on the loving-kindness meditation, I found it to be an extraordinary, even cosmic, experience. I felt as I were a temporary portal that could both take in all the suffering in the world and transform it into healing. I don't mean that I felt as I was personally responsible for this. Rather, the cosmic, underlying, unifying consciousness reached out through me as I aligned myself with it and experienced myself as a spiritual being with my body as a material focal point, allowing the passage of the cosmic consciousness. If you are not into this stuff, this all probably sounds completely ridiculous and like I just turned into a trippy hippy. I used to think the same way, and I would have scorned all of this as delusional nonsense.

What is undoubtedly true is that I emerged from the meditation feeling a deep peace, and a physical and mental calm. I have been stressing about my job (my psychospiritual Achilles heel) and dreading going back to work tomorrow - and now those feelings have evaporated. I feel calm, peaceful and lighthearted, and can smile about my agitation and worry about my work. I feel connected to others, forgiving and accepting, as I feel towards myself.

It was an amazing and beautiful experience, and I would recommend it to anyone!

Just as we know repeated thoughts forge new neural pathways, effectively "rewiring" the brain, mental workouts can exercise the brain like a muscle to create healthier psychological states. I feel renewed by the loving-kindness meditation, and I bet if my brain were examined and imaged right now, it would be measurably different from before. The concept of the mental workout is to gradually effect healthier "default states" of the brain, so that we increase positive feelings and decrease negative ones. I would like to get to a point where I am not fazed by external events, and still retain my inner peace no matter what happens. I believe we can help ourselves grow towards higher stages of psychospiritual development by exercising our brains through mental workouts such as meditations. I intend to increase my practice of meditation and other such practices, to increase my psychospiritual flourishing. Whereas meditation is something I have done "when I have time", I intend, particularly as I transition out of school, to seek more fulfilling work, and enter the next phase in my life, to incorporate meditation into my life daily. I believe I will experience real and measurable benefits in my life as a result.

Have a great week, everyone!

Deb :-)

Reflections

1. Based on your reflections, and on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being optimal wellbeing), where do you rate your A-physical wellbeing, B-spiritual well-being, C-psychological well-being? Why?

Based on my reflections, on a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate my physical wellbeing a 7. I am very fortunate in that I am free of major illness, able bodied, free of injury, and everything “works” reasonably well. However, I believe I am still far from being at my optimal level of physical health, firstly because I am about twenty pounds overweight, and not at peak fitness. Although I work out, it is rarely 4-5 times a week, and usually more like 1-3 times a week. This is inadequate, and means that I am not properly ridding myself of physical tension, nor am I at peak levels of muscle mass and tone or suppleness. Consequently, although I am reasonably energetic, I could be more energetic. I take excellent care of myself in terms of diet and eat very well – just perhaps a little too much! People often comment that my skin glows and I look much younger than my age of 42, and I put this down to my lifelong good eating habits and (before I started my degree) lifelong exercise habits. I just know I could be a little fitter and thinner, and my health would be even better.

Regarding my spiritual wellbeing, I consider myself extremely fortunate in that I feel deep feelings of peace, calm and connection, most of the time when I am not at work, and particularly when I am alone. I find my job very stressful, however, and know that I need to work on a) accepting the reality of the job I am doing now so that I don’t create needless unhappiness by continually “resisting what is” and b) finding a more suitable career. I can work on the former right now, and I intend to work on the latter once I finish my degree in July. I am happy and filled with a joyful anticipation at that prospect. I would rate my present level of spiritual wellbeing at a 7, not because I think I don’t think I am spiritually fulfilled, but because I think to rate myself much higher would limit how far I think I can still go.

Regarding my psychological wellbeing, having been raised in troubled and conflict-ridden circumstances, which led to experiencing a lot of psychological distress and severe depression in my youth, I count myself extremely fortunate that I now experience feeling calm, happy and centered most of the time. Even when not, my worst psychological issues are simply feeling irritable or frustrated, rather than depressed. My mother, father, stepmother and sister all died between 2005 and 2008, and I did become depressed again for a while as I recovered from the bereavements. But instead of lapsing back into old, negative ways of thinking, these experiences actually acted as a catalyst, propelling me into seeking a spiritual life. The bereavements, after a period of mourning, actually ended up making me more whole, and happier than I’ve ever been, because I was forced to find new and more positive ways of living. I would now rate my psychological health as a 9.  

2. Develop a goal for yourself in each area (physical, spiritual, psychological).

My physical goals are to increase my fitness level by exercising 4-5 times a week by the time I finish my studies in July and losing the twenty pounds over the course of this year (since I have found that weight loss over a shorter period inevitably comes back, whereas gradual weight loss “sticks” better.

My spiritual goal is to increase my practice of yoga and meditation and to become more spiritually aware continuously. Presently, although I experience spiritual feelings every day, these feelings wane when I am “in the world” and lose my attention.  Once I finish school in July I am planning to take a Reiki course, and to increase the amount of volunteer work I do with hospice patients, since I find that, in service, I find myself feeling more spiritually fulfilled.

My psychological goal (which is closely related to the spiritual) is to work on decreasing feelings of irritation and frustration in my work, since they show pointless resistance. I don’t mean I should give up wanting to find work that I love, but rather, I should focus on the work I am doing while I am still doing it, and be completely present in what I am doing. I would also like to work on increasing my social connectedness, since I am an introvert and have a tendency to avoid socializing as I find it stressful rather than enjoyable.

3.      What activities or exercise can you implement in your life to assist in moving toward each goal?

Since my goal in taking this course was to prepare myself for the next phase of my life once I finish school in July by becoming more aware and taking action to achieve my goals, I already feel I am taking steps, just by paying attention. Second, in paying attention, and becoming more mindful, I have found I am already exercising more, eating more mindfully, and considering carefully what I want to do once I finish school. I have done some research and found a great Reiki course I want to take this summer. I have already lost a few pounds as I am exercising a little more and eating a little less. And I am becoming more aware of my spiritual/psychological ups and downs as I find myself paying attention when I become cranky or unreasonable, observing my thoughts as they resist whatever I am experiencing, making me unhappy. At times like these, I am sometimes able to “melt” my resistance and just allow what is to be. This makes me feel better right away. Other times, my ego is asserting itself so strongly that I fail to reassert my calm, conscious awareness. I want to work on recognizing when this happens every time, and work on letting go of resistance and acknowledging what is happening with calm, conscious awareness.

4. Complete the relaxation exercise The Crime of the Century. To hear this exercise, click here. Describe your experience. (What it beneficial? Frustrating? etc.)

I loved this chakra meditation, and found myself feeling completely calm, alert, and full of joy. I felt strongly, at the end, that I was bathed in white, healing light. It was wonderful and my only confusion is why it is the exercise so named? The name appears to bear no relation to the exercise.